Genus Americanus

Saturday, December 31, 2005

From Canada's Globe and Mail. Speaks for itself.

First approved in 1930, Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan - Red was drawn up to
defend the United States in the event of war with Britain.
It was one of a
series of such contingency plans produced in the late 1920s. Canada, identified
as Crimson, would be invaded to prevent the Britons from using it as a staging
ground to attack the United States.
But having successfully captured Canada,
the military planners had no intention of giving it up. "Blue [the Americans']
intentions are to hold in perpetuity all CRIMSON and RED territory gained," they
wrote in an appendix


It starts with a seaborne assault on Halifax to cut Canada off from its British ally. A later version, approved in 1935, allowed for first-strike use of poison gas and strategic bombing of the city, if necessary.
It also posits that the U.S. invading forces take out Niagara Falls, seize Sudbury's strategic nickel mines, capture Winnipeg as the critical east-west rail juncture and attack Vancouver to deprive the British of a West Coast maritime base

Friday, December 30, 2005

Match the quote to the policy:

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace."


"Total Information Awareness of transnational threats
requires keeping track of individuals and understanding
how they fit into models. "


"The fact that we're discussing this program is helping
the enemy"


"I worry about our economy, because there are people
who can't find work who want to work. In this town,
people look at numbers all the time --
you know, such and such a number dropped,
or this number increased.
What I worry about are hearts and souls."


"Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every
decision he makes and should just support that, you know,
and be faithful in what happens." - Britney Spears


Thursday, December 15, 2005

Genus Americanus classification

When you come across a specimen of Genus Americanus it is important to know which of the subgroups you are dealing with. With this field guide, you can better get up close and study your specimens and produce better research.

Genus Americanus Democratus - While not really understanding why, this subgroup has noticed that the system is not fair and that the government really needs to do something about this to fulfill the promise of America. Affiliation with this subgroup is inversely proportional to the proximity to this injustice. While it feels bad about things, it is not really willing to do what it would take to achieve this. This results in a feeling of helplessness towards large problems which is alleviated by ignoring them. This subgroup is characterized by being very docile. It can be recognized by its casual dress and sympathy toward others.

Genus Americanus Corporatus - This subgroup is dedicated to the acquisition of power. It has an evolutionary adaptation, namely the lack of a soul, that allows it to ignore the normal barriers of conscience that usually impede progress in this area. Characterized by being neatly and professionally dressed and having no soul. While being no immediate physical danger to the researcher, will sign your death warrant if it sees advantage. Can easily be recognized by the blatant lies they tell and the ease with which they do this.

Genus Americanus Religiously Insane - This subgroup has lost all grip on reality. Some researchers theorize that difficulty in dealing with reality has caused this group's logic center to shut down. Others propose that a disease of the brain emits endorphins when the subject repudiates logic. Known to congregate in the southern areas of the country, it is characterized by a professing of peacefulness punctuated by total support for large scale destruction. Can easily by recognized by the immediate and intense reaction if you say the keyword "Jesus".

Genus Americanus White Trash - A very dangerous and unpredictable subgroup that should be approached with caution. Characterized by a feeling of superiority combined with complete failure in life. This contradiction causes turmoil which precipitates destructive behaviour and a love of things that make loud noises. Easily recognized by the pickup truck with repugnant and creepy decoration (bumper stickers that say "Guns don't kill people, I do", a Dixie battle flag, etc. ) and the many firearms that the specimen will never be far from. Its limited brainpower makes it easily manipulated by the more sophisticated subgroups.

Genus Americanus Republican - Similar to Genus Americanus Religiously Insane, except that it worships the country itself as a diety. Easily identifiable by the SUV it drives with a "Support the Troops" magnet on the back, and a complete oblivion to the irony of it. As it regards the nation as a diety, it will not tolerate criticism of the government and can become dangerously agitated if you do so. Try to make your criticisms indirect, such as a snyde comment or humourous blog. While this subgroup does have an admirable idealistic bent, its deference to the perfection of the nation diety prevents it from ever acting on this to make change as any failings of the system must be the result of evil forces working against the altruism of the nation diety. Can be dealt with safely as long as you don't try to speak of nuanced political arguments.

Good luck in the field young anthropologists!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Vulgar vs. polite Racism

You know what is really upsetting about Australia? They are still at the vulgar "send them darkies home" racism instead of the subtle Katrina, France riots, Willie Horton tough-on-crime *wink* *wink* type. Archie Bunker on All In The Family instead of Rush Limbaugh on ESPN.
I'm told the riots in France were an embarassment because France was a model of integration compared to the American model of "pick your own damn self up". Seems to me they were both following the same "I'll call you when I need you" model.
Reading some of the history of immigration to France from the African colonies, you read that immigration was increased back in the day because of the need for labour. But really, when you say a "need", you really mean an opportunity for profit from low wage labour. And anyone familiar with the basic rules of finance knows that imported labour is brought in because it is cheap and easy to control. And certainly the plan is that this profit will go to the owners bringing in the labour, and that low wage labour will live on the bad side of town. Somehow there is a shock when the work part of this arrangement is removed and people start to notice that somehow it has sprung up that there are rich white people living over here with all the money from this work, and then less white less rich people living over there with nothing to show for it but a slum and a bad attitude.... well, to be fair, nobody *really* notices unless a few cars get torched.
This same setup has occurred in an American city no less.... you know, that large city.. with the mass of dark skinned people with no money living in the center and having narcotics issues, with the white people and the money living in the suburbs. Which one is that again?

I have a theory that if you took a random sampling of Genus Americanus, took away all their money and painted them all blue that within a generation it would be well understood that blue people are dangerous and need to be dealt with harshly to get them to accept some personal responsibility (but that it isn't polite to say so). And if that delightful Harpo woman can make it, the rest must just be dogging it. And while the blue man group would be ignored by critics, pale imitations would be hailed for thier grit and creative genius.

I'm told by the lighter hued genus americanus that capitalism is a meritocracy. But when I ask what this implies if whites have all the money, I am told that it just needs a little longer to even out. They are not so bold as to set a date when this will be accomplished.

In other news, the middle east peace process is proceeding as strong as ever.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Appendix of the Head

Australia. Who knew it was so moronic? Perhaps we should start using it as a penal colony again.
Watching those riots on TV just made me lose whatever faith in humanity I had left in the age of Fox News. I had thought the outbreak of immense stupidity was contained to these United States, although it should be noted that Rupert Murdoch hails from Australia so perhaps he is patient zero. Rupert Murdoch, Fox News, and the Aussie-nazis should all be quarantined away from decent society immediately.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Torture and the eternal benefit of the doubt

Perhaps not unique to Genus Americanus, but quite striking nonetheless is the ability of the creature to always give the government the benefit of the doubt.
While everyone agrees to the facts: There is a worldwide network of secret and not secret prisons where unspeakable things have been happening to people. The Red Cross has been denied access to prisoners and it is known that there are secret prisoners not on the books. The executive has been working on legal justifications for "harsher treatment" and would like a CIA exemption from torture laws or it will veto the bill. The government does send people to places that are known to practice torture. The government will not join an international criminal court unless Americans are exempt from prosecution. The Iraqi government that was created and still living under US protection has been found practicing torture. There are public pictures showing these disgusting things and further secret ones that are too disgusting to release.

The government position is that it doesn't support torture in any way and anything that has happened is a couple of bad apples. The media dutifully debates this bad apples theory (although never directly against the idea that the government supports it all and knows all about it)

As preposterous and paper thin as these excuses might be to the outsider, Genus Americanus emotionally is unable to come to the obvious conclusions because it would require a revalution of their place in the world as not uniquely sainted.

This unwillingness to see the truth can also be seen in the idea that is popular here that a local politician's brother disenfranchised a group of his opponent's supporters completely by accident. This same local politician then led a group of oil executives funded by oil money and invaded an oil rich country for reasons that turned out to be completely false, but Genus Americanus believes it to be an honest mistake.

Suggesting to the subjects that perhaps the government is not as incompetent and unaware as it claims to be is met with great agitation and scorn, and the subject becomes quite hostile. Researchers beware.

Friday, December 09, 2005

It begins......

Welcome to my blog. I am a Canadian trapped behind enemy lines. Luckily, not too far behind (New England) While I am here I intend to report back on the curious species known as Genus Americanus.
How can a country have such brilliant minds (Einstein, Edison, Knuth, Groening) in it and still maintain absolute cretins (George Wallace, Pat Robertson, Kansas)?
How can it fervently believe in the highest ideals (democracy, human rights, defending the weak against the strong), and still shrug as the government shreds them to pieces (torture, supporting dictators, bombing everyone)?
How can a people value community and caring for every person no matter race, class, or creed and then have Katrina happen?
The answer, is that everyone here is crazy! Completely insane, bouncing off the walls, drooling buckets, nuts!
But hopefully with this blog I can diagnose this illness, and get them to take their meds.
Wish me luck!